I Attended Your Seminar
By Adam Radzik
Marketing & Sales Coach

(Scene: A conversation between Adam Radzik, the sales coach, and Marvin Nussbaum at a kosher deli in Manhattan.)

Marvin: “I enjoyed your talk last week at the Italy-America Chamber. You certainly know your stuff. But I have been selling for more than forty years, so I am not the one who needs the help. It is my sons, my daughter and my son-in-law who need the help.”

Adam: “What kind of business do you have?”

Marvin: “We have a worldwide distribution business. We export replacement parts for all kinds of American machine products. We export to Europe, Eastern Europe, Asia and even the Middle East. I built up a big business with these two hands” (he holds up his two hands)!

Adam: “Are you still active in the business?”

Marvin: “You really want to know if I have retired. Who could retire in this recession? My wife, Goldie, she wants us to visit museums in Europe, the Great Wall in China, the opera house in Sidney. But how can I leave when sales are down 35%? Did you look at my website like I asked you to?”

Adam: “I did.”

Marvin: “Well?”

Adam: “It needs work.”

Marvin: “I knew it. It needs work like my kids need work. You know they didn’t come up the hard way like we did. We spoiled them. We did! Now they have fancy German cars and fancy houses on the ocean, and they belong to fancy country clubs. They sit in their offices on their big leather chairs and they have meetings with each other.”

Adam: “Do they go out and meet with your company’s largest customers?”

Marvin: “Of course not! That’s the problem. None of them are salespeople.”

Adam: “Do you have a decent sales manager?”

Marvin: “My son-in-law is the sales manager. Don’t ask! Are you going to order? The pastrami here is to die for. I’ll have a bowl of mushroom barley soup.”

Adam: “Are they worried?”

Marvin: “Of course they are worried. They had to reduce their salaries and their expense accounts! You’d have to be a complete idiot not to be worried!”

Adam: “That’s a good thing. We have motivation.”

Marvin: “You’re right. I am too hard on them. They are good kids, but they need help. They won’t listen to me but they might listen to a sales expert like you – an outsider.”

Adam: “Few kids are interested in hearing yet another lecture from their parents. Weren’t you like that?”

Marvin: “What, are you kidding? My dad and I hated each other. He was the one who started the business. But whatever I did was never good enough for him.” (he reflects for a moment) “Sort of like me, huh?” (he laughs, touching Adam’s elbow)

Adam smiles but doesn’t answer.

Marvin: “So when I sat there during that sales seminar you gave, I took four-and-a-half pages of notes. When I came back and wanted to tell my kids about it, they said they wanted to meet you in person and not read my scribbled notes. Do you think you can help us?”

Adam: “I would have to take a careful look before I answer that question. But I can tell you that I’ve been faced with this type of family business situation at least two dozen times in my career, and have been successful a high percentage of the time.”

Marvin: “Good, that’s what I wanted to hear. Waitress! Bring us two pastrami sandwiches with Russian dressing and coleslaw, and two black cherry sodas. Try to bring it today, would you Honey?”

Comedy Corner

Responding to Pesky Telemarketers

• Tell them you’d like them to hold for a moment and leave the phone off the hook while you leave the house.
• Ask them why they are calling in the middle of the funeral ceremony.
• Tell them you have a wonderful anti-aging cream that would be perfect for them.
• Repeatedly ask them, “What did you do with Sally’s money?”
• Tell them you must have their home address.
• Say, “Officer Smith wants to talk to you about the obscene phone calls you have been making to this number. Hold on.